My big lad is coming home today from his Uncles, I have missed him.he's only coming back for a week then he;s going back to the farm to do some work to start paying off my brother who has spent a fortune on him over the last six months.My soon to be ex rang up last night and pumped my other two sons for information on him, they told John that jack was coming home and he asked to speak to me he then informed me that if jack was back then he would be paying less to me cos he wasn't supporting jack.I am most angry that he uses sam and tom to get information about whats happening in this house and then takes their word as gospel. Jacks taken all his resists now and we are waiting for the results he was thinking of going onto college but he's decided to try a different career path I shall tell you more when I know if it's working out or not .he's an astute lad and hes worked out that I cant afford much so he's looking to do something where he can earn money carry on learning a trade and can pay his uncle back and give me a little money too. this time last year I was worried sick about him now I'm dead proud

sometimes life is just senseless shit

A friend of a friend of mine was walking home from the pub last friday night and is now lying in hospital on a ventilator having had the shit kicked out of him, he's not expected to recover and if he does he will be a wheel chair bound uncommunicative man in a world of his own , not an accountant who never did anyone any harm.I didn't know him I can only see how it's affected my friend.It made me thinkhow random acts of violnv
ce spread out like ripples in a big poiso pool no one who knew the victim will ever be the same again, his friends wont be able to go out on a friday night now without thinking of him.His family must be devasated, even Im not my usually happy chirpy self having heard the story. Then theres the attackers family most of whom will be quite proud since they are already inside for murder themselves , sometimes I dont think people should be allowed to breed.all in all I am well pissed off

So about my driving lessons ,

I forgot to take my glasses to the theory and while I could see the questions by squinting I totally fucked up the hazard because to be perfectly honest it was all a blur.Other than that it was all rather good . I shared the days driving with a 34 year old scot from just outside Glasgow .if he hadn't said he was 34 I would have thought he was 50.he had never driven before and I think he thought he was going to get in the car and become Lewis hamilton he got in the car and turned out to bestevie wonder , every day became an exciting game of will he remember that to get a car to move you have to switch it on and every day he forgot.
Strangely this made me feel better about my drivingand after I failed my theory and had no pressure it was quite good fun . My driving instructor and i got on like a house on fire once he said to me are you going to pull out of this junction or shall we just sit here all day watching fucking cars go by. I replied with a jolly why don't you just fuck off you cunt and lo we were pals.the weather in Blackpool was really good i walked up the prom every night to get a salad from marks and sparks so I am less white than normal anyway I cant think what to write so I'll stop

top hundred books how many have you read

ttp://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukne...100-books.html

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible..only bits
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8= Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
8= His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare only some
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger nope
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy Ive read the first three pages quite a lot
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky nope
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres nope not read it
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden nope
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez nope
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving nope
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel half way through
52 Dune - Frank Herbert nope
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon nope
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez nope
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt nope I pick it up sometimes then put it down and pick soemone else up
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie nope I dislike his crap
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce nope I was married to an alcoholic I dont need another stream of consciousness
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry nope
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Alborn nope I read tuesdays with morrie though
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad nope but I have seen apocalyps now does that coun t
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole nope even though JJ insisted it was brilliant
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare one might have thought this should be in the complete works but apparently not
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Hi Honey's Im home

Did you miss me did you eh eh? For those who don't know I have been off on a  driving course in Blackpool   Unfortunately I fucked up and didn't take my test but  I can now drive and have much more confidence about it  than I have ever had before so I  just have to do a couple of things and then I should be ready to pass my test , how jolly exciting is that. My driving instructor in Blackpool was a turkish  fireman from manchester and thanks to him I can now drive while scanning the horizon for leggy blonde beauties while flicking him the finger and telling him to fuck off. I have never laughed so much while doing something I dislike ( except possibly having sex with my ex husbands )and by the end of the week I didn;t even dislike driving which is a first . And having driven round Blackpool at stagnight time I  figure I can drive anywhere.

Blackpool is without a doubt a total and absolute shithole,its full of drunken scots people ( in fact its a bit like aol pub quiz without the ignore feature come to think of it)At one point  I was wandering down the prom and a drunken  slob  decided to lunge into the main road in front of a BMW and  fell under its wheels fortunately the driver stopped just in time ( or unfortunately depending on how you feel about darwinism) Two other lads picked this guy up and he wandered off with blood pissing out his nose like old faithful and  a gash the size of the grand Canyon  on his forehead , stupid cunt .

Anyway thats where I have been and what I have been up toI will fill you in the details of  my driving lessons tomorrow I don;t know how much excitelment you lot can stand in oneday  but I don't want to overload you

I am off

for a couple of weeks try not to miss me too much both of you

Went to see Bruce on firday must say for a bloke of nearly 60 he's wearing well.Ive had Kirstie staying all week since it was half term her son Tom and my son Tom are good mates now and will stay in contact via club penguin.RRon came over to on friday and stayed the weekend I am pleased to announce that we spent a lovely evening lying opn the floor playing trivial pursuits , then later we had a good scrabble before bed.I will blog properly once my liver has gone back to it's normal size and I can see .Is iut binge drinking if you do it every day?